Empty

Empty
Worn-out
Tired
Useless

That’s me today. I’ve been skimming through my favorite blogs, but that seems to reinforce the idea that everyone is doing something useful, interesting, or at least fun. And I’m not! I’ve been job-hunting for about three months now and it’s beginning to feel like an exercise in self inflicted punishment. Okay, someone will remind me that a mere three months is a fraction of the time some folks have to look. The bravest ones will even suggest that since I am working currently AND we are a two-income family, there’s no need to go crazy. But, I’m just feeling so discouraged. Probably, like everything else in my life, it’s because I have incredibly unrealistic expectations for the whole thing. I want a super interesting job with a great salary and a fantastic work environment. I’ve been fortunate so far to have lots of freedom and flexibility in my work. Now I’m looking for the kind of job most people are trying to get out of – 9 to 5. Why, well I’m just tired of being alone. I go to work – which happens to be teaching – I teach a class or two then I go home, or I go to N.J. and teach there or Brooklyn or some other place. I want to work for someone – with someone. I want to feel like I am part of something bigger than today’s lesson. I want to change the world….That’s what I’ve always wanted, of course. That’s how I got here. But boy, this isn’t what I expected. So I’d better stop this whining and get back to Idealist.org. Wish me luck and say a prayer. Thanks