Summer is fun

We went to a great FREE OUTDOOR concert (those being the primary requirements for a good concert in my opinion) last night.

Josh Rouse is relatively new to our musical library. He was lots of fun and the crowd was pretty interactive. We rode our bikes home over the Brooklyn Bridge. The harbor was really beautiful. On nights like that I'm glad I live in this miserable city.

I haven't found much to be glad about lately. But as with all other dark moments - this too shall pass. I have only to turn on the radio and hear the news from Lebanon and Israel to realize how safe and protected my life is. There are so many places around the world where people don't even have the opportunity to worry about the kinds of things I worry about. Their primary concern is how to survive right now. I don't really know what my response to these terrible situations should be. It's out of my power to do something about them - at least physically. I know that I can pray. Yet, that seems like an inadequate response to such overwhelming suffering. I can give money. But it's hard to see how my small donation would effect anything. I wish I could leave my life here and go work somewhere. Do something. Something real. Something meaningful.

When I was younger, I was surrounded by stories of missionaries who gave up modern lives to live in third-world countries. I admired their strength and determination to work and live in such difficult circumstances. Whenever I met missionaries, I was amazed at their down-to-earth mentality and their 100% commitment to the mission. I was fairly confident that God had called me to live a missionary life. I didn't have any concert plans for college or a career. I knew I didn't want to stay in my small community and have babies. The obvious answer was to become a missionary. Lots of people encouraged me in this. So I went away to Bible College and - to cut a long story short - I didn't become a missionary. At least not the way I thought.

So all this biographical blabla to explain a bit of why I feel I'm not doing enough now. I'll be 29 in a couple months and I have no idea of where my life is going or where it should be going. It frightens me to think that I might have missed my chance to do something important. It's not that I've denied God's call - that's no longer an issue. But I do wonder what I should be doing. I suppose I've always had too high an opinion of my potential. I've always thought there was a special destiny for me. (My husband has always said I have an amazing ability to think I am better than everyone else.) Perhaps, now I realize I'm just like very one else. And perhaps I'm falling behind because I expected all the doors to magically open for me.

....Yet, through my cloudy thoughts the sun shines and I hear music in the evening under the big Manhattan sky....